I suppose I should be feeling glad that the ticket seller asked whether I was actually 18 when I was queuing up to buy tickets for a movie, especially since I was with an older girl (*only* age-wised!). The general perception is that I look older than I actually am, which has caused some... confusion in the past. I suppose being told that you look like a postgraduate student when you're actually a fresher, OR being told that you look like the new economist when you're just a first day intern at the office is not too flattering, especially when people are not judging based on intellect. Yes you can laugh, but the joke wears thin after the ump-teenth time. Otherwise, I've gotten used to it.
For the record, thinking too much is not good for you. Thinking leads to doubt leads to worry leads to more doubt and more worry. Vicious cycle, much. It's often easier to just do things and not think too much about the consequences. Just hope for the best! Sadly, the world doesn't work that way. If it did, I'd probably be smoking, drinking and shooting off my mouth on a daily basis. Really, it calms the nerves, releases stress, helps blood circulation and helps with sleep. What more could you ask for? Sigh. Oh and if I'm getting slightly eccentric or mad (well, more so than usual), you should be telling me. It's a sign that I need to see a psychiatrist. I pity people who try to pick my mind. I'd be surprised if they ever get anywhere, seeing as I myself am not getting anywhere with it. Come on, I'm not *that* predictable.
Is this a sign that I'm stressed? I don't know. I don't want to know. I'd rather be going along doing my own thing. I suppose I'm just in one of my moods this morning. No, I don't think it's healthy. Yes, it has happened before and yes, I can be quite mad. If I wasn't I wouldn't be a mathematician. Being prim and proper never did get you anywhere. Just ask Einstein. He's not somebody you'd describe as normal, even if he had a normal sized brain. Has anybody considered that keeping his brain for experiment is just pathetic, not to mention derogatory? He's dead, let him rest in peace. Or maybe not. Being the smartest guy in human history has its drawbacks as well. For one, people can't understand you; and you probably aren't 'mentally-sound' enough to be President, more so in Israel. Oh wait, I take that back. Look up Mussolini in 'Captain Corelli's Mandolin'. I swear it's hilarious and sad at the same time.
Are you still following me? I'm impressed. I woke up with Larkin today, I think that's why. Oh well, I always thought that he needed to get a life. I need to get a life. One which doesn't involve working 11 hours a day for 5 days a week. Probably also one that doesn't involve building your happiness on others. No, I'm not sadistic. You can put that thought to rest. I just want to feel good. I just want to feel young. I just feel like writing all this down. I think age is catching up with me. I need to get a life.
Oh and in case you're wondering about the title,
Love Songs In Age
Philip Larkin
She kept her songs, they kept so little space,
The covers pleased her:
One bleached from lying in a sunny place,
One marked in circles by a vase of water,
One mended, when a tidy fit had seized her,
And coloured, by her daughter -
So they had waited, till, in widowhood
She found them, looking for something else, and stood
Relearning how each frank submissive chord
Had ushered in Word after sprawling hyphenated word,
And the unfailing sense of being young
Spread out like a spring-woken tree, wherein
That hidden freshness sung,
That certainty of time laid up in store
As when she played them first. But, even more,
The glare of that much-mentionned brilliance, love,
Broke out, to show
Its bright incipience sailing above,
Still promising to solve, and satisfy,
And set unchangeably in order. So
To pile them back, to cry,
Was hard, without lamely admitting how
It had not done so then, and could not now.
AND FOR THE LAST TIME, I DON'T DO MORSE!!~Zhongy~
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