I never thought it would ever had happened... Losing control, I can't even remember when was the last time my emotions got the better of me. Pain coursed through every part of my body, through my blood, blinding my soul. I could hear my heartbeat, my pain resonating with its pulse... My heart was tore apart, and for once I gave in to my emotions... The tears couldn't stop flowing, but it didn't heal my pain... I finally realise that nothing, not even the sound of the piano, not even the ink from my brush, could take away how I feel. Instead, it accentuated my feelings tenfold, with the momento now hangs on my wall... And yet, in all this pain and suffering, there was a feeling of relieve... The dam of emotion, broken to allow the flood to flow... Too long I have suffered beneath a smile, and the overriding emotions now brought me to my knees... There was no more reasoning, no more reality, no more self-control. Memories, both of joy and sorrow, flashed in front of my eyes. Two years, and yet nothing has changed... All the feelings came together in a whirlwind of emotion, sweeping my soul away... A simple text message, and yet how much laid behind those words... How much I wished for deliverance from this pain, this sorrow that I felt, and yet it would not come... In truth, nothing could help, save one, but I knew it would never come... I prayed for it to pass quickly, and it slowly drained away, losing its grasp on my soul...
I shudder to think of what had happened, and I fear it would happen again... There was no indication that it would not repeat itself, for while I still try to live behind a veil, it would not go away... The pain and sorrow is still there, growing stronger with each passing day, manifesting itself on my soul... I could never control my feelings for others, and while this feelings still last, while nothing will change, the pain, the sorrow, will always be there....
Martyrdom, maybe it was meant to be my destiny...
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Thursday 25 January 2007
Alright sorry people this posting is long overdue as the internet broke down last weekend. First off I would like to thank all the people who wished me happy birthday. Its greatly appreciated, I didn't think anybody would remember... Thank you all, it really lifted my spirits.
17 years... looking back at everything, now that I am in KTJ, I've came a long way since my days in S.R.J.K. (C) Pay Fong II and St. Francis. Along the road I've met lots of people, done lots of things, and had lots of different experiences. I realise that though there may be regrets and hardships, there were also triumph and joy. Truly, my past has shaped me to be what I am today, and I'm very proud of that. I believe the values instilled, the lessons learnt, the friendships bonded, had made me a better person today. Some people may think I'm a loner, and yes I admit, I'm not exactly the friendliest person around. However, I think I'm truly lucky that all of my friends are people I can truly trust, can truly count upon when I need them. For that I am greatful.
I've met people who've moved on to another stage of their life, and they try to throw away, run away from their past. To them, the past only brought them harsh memories, and they wish to forget, to start anew. I pity them, for the past, no matter how bad, is the blueprint for the present you. I myself had been hurt before in my past. Sometimes it cut so deep that I'm afraid the wounds will never heal. However, I do not try to push these memories away. I let them be a part of me, to strenghten my resilience. You who want to leave everything behind you, I'm sorry that as a friend, as a person in both your past and your present, I have failed to stop you. I have also failed our friends, who have been together with you in the past. I apologise. However, do not forget that one day, the past will catch up with you. You will be forced to face the people you have carelessly abandoned, and I hope that meeting will make you realise your mistake. You may feel now that your past is a burden to your ambitions, but trust me, its not. I hope that when you realise this, your friends will be able to forgive you for what you've done. Somehow I know that they will, because they will stay true to you...
Moving along, I turn to the future. I'm still not certain of what I want to be... My current subjects combination, Double Maths, Physics and English Literature, is a reflection of my interests, whether in the arts or sciences. In truth, I find myself able to cope and excel in both fields, and I'm torn to choose between these two. The future certainly looks uncertain, but I look forward to it with great expectations. With my past to guide me, I am not worried. I know that I will always try my best at everything that I do, and there is nothing more that I can expect from myself. I had never wanted to be the center of attraction, all I ever wanted was peace and tranquility with my inner self, and we everybody around me. I pray that one day I will have the priviledge to enjoy both... ~Zhongy~
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Sunday 14 January 2007
还没去日本之前，本人对日本的印象并不深刻。大致上是从书法和动漫接触日本的风情文化。此趟去日本二周，亲身体会了日本人民的生活，让我有所感触。去之前，本人对日本的＂道＂思想有很深刻的印象。所谓＂书道＂，＂剑道＂，＂茶道＂，＂棋道＂，日本的传统思想，总是围绕着＂道＂这个字。＂道＂基本上为修身养性之法，是日本传统文化的基础。
在日本的两周，大都市，摸天楼都看到了，却没看到茶道馆，剑道场。问起周边的日本同学，有没有修习书道，棋道，大家的答案都是＂年幼时有练过，但是现在不练了。＂这个情况，使我不禁暗自神伤。在日本成为先进国的道路上，传统文化已经成为牺牲品。日本年轻一代生活在这全球化的时期，几乎完全没有继承日本的传统文化思想，日本的＂道＂。反之，他们的生活，渐渐被西方文化占有。日本有70-90%人民无宗教信仰，试问他们从何处寻找心灵上的平衡？他们如何满足人类精神上的需求？传统文化一旦被忘却，当日本只剩下摸天楼时，他们要用什么来培养日本民族爱国精神？
日本政府为了改变日本二战后的形象，为了迎合西方人，尽力引进了西方文化，培养热情，开放的年轻一代，却忽略了传统文化的继承。但是我们要看到的，真的是那样的日本吗？那么日本的未来，岂不只是西方国家在亚洲的翻版？传统文化乃民族的根基。一旦根被拔起，日本的民族，是否还能生存下去？~翼/翔~
>>本人在日本鹿儿岛留学二周（2006年12月9日--23日），在此有感而发，纯属个人意见。若得罪了某方人士，先至上万二分歉意。
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Friday 12 January 2007
Hi guys. First posting at my first blog haha. Anyhow for those who don't know, I'm currently one week into Kolej Tuanku Ja'afar now for my A-levels. Its quite a big school and the buildings are similar to my last school, St. Francis Institution. Difference is, its a few times bigger haha. Might be posting some photos of it soon so keep your eyes peeled. Anyway I've been posted into Nadzimuddin House, for those who know what it is haha. Basically the school has a total of 7 houses, and Nadzi is just one of them. Staying in a single room. I must say its quite spacious and clean, but it gets lonely sometimes. Anyhow must persevere if I want to pursue my dreams. They really push people to study here, so there isn't much time to dally about haha.
Anyhow friends making a return with me here are Isaac Tan (SFI 5H '06) and Joanne Tay Rui Ying (IJC 5K '06). Of course, there are new friends here in KTJ too. I must say we have a world-wide community with people from Indonesia, South Korea and England just to name a few. Here's a shout out to Ash, Mas, Dwi, Jun, Chia Hsien and all the six-formers in Nadzi, though I doubt all of you listed here will ever read this haha. Thanx for helping me out this past week and showing me around the place! Really appreciate your company! As for fellow new lower-sixers Taufik, Wei Yang, Alvin, Kevin and others, good luck in your subjects! Stick together and we'll all be fine!
For all of you back in Melaka, don't worry, I've not changed much. There's been some problems at the first week but I'm trying my best to overcome all of it. I'll be back in Melaka on January 26-28. If anybody wants to talk or meet up, I'll be available on my hand phone or e-mail. I frequently check my mail even in KTJ so we can keep in contact here. Anybody going to further their studies, please drop me a message informing about it. Trying to keep myself updated on my friends haha. Anyhow I'm signing off now, Until the next post, godspeed! ~Zhong~
P/S This page is still under construction so please don't flame me about the lousy layout. I'll be making big changes soon haha.
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