So, 3 for STEP II.
Just shows how much my hardwork ammounted to.
Nothing.
Just shows how stupid I really am, practicing for 4 months and yet only getting a 3 grade.
God must be laughing himself off his perch.
I'm really really sorry Mr. Finch. Maybe I overestimated myself 4 months ago when I first stepped into your office. Maybe I should have just taken STEP I. Maybe I shouldn't have taken the exam at all. The result proves that I'm not that smart anyway. And it wasn't even a difficult paper.
Proves that everything I've ever work for, I never succeed at it.
So what's the point in working?
It all ammounts to the same thing.
And I disappoint myself and other people every time.
Might as well just save everybody their sympathy and disappointment.~Zhongy~
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Thursday 16 August 2007
Yea, so I got a perfect score for my Eng. Lit. Frankenstein module.
So what?
It was just luck, plain and simple. As Mr. Suresh said, a fluke. A one-off. It sure as hell doesn't reflect the effort I put into it. If somebody would have told me somebody in our class had perfect score, I would never have thought it would be me. Joanne and Alison would have been the most deserving people for this so-called 'rare' honour. Not me. Never. Apparently somebody out there had different ideas. Guys thank you for all your congratulations, but I don't deserve any of them. The result doesn't prove anything. I'm definitely not the best when it comes to Eng. Lit., and never will be. Period. Alison and Joanne both write better, worked harder and did much more research. They are the ones which really deserve it, not me. So why am the world was I the one who got the perfect score? And does it really matter if I got 90/90? Its still an A, just an A, and not something I'll ever be really proud about, because it all came down to dumb luck, and maybe some really lenient marker. I couldn't even bear to look in Mr. Suresh's face when he congratulated me, nor believe my ears when Mr. Sutherland first told me. It was a statistical mistake, an anomaly, which I don't think, which I HOPE, won't repeat itself again...
What aboout maths? What about all the hours spent in Mr. Finch's office last term? What about the countless rechecking I did during all of my 5 papers? It all ammounted to nothing. Nada. Zip. Zero. Despite all that, I still managed to make careless mistakes after careless mistakes, costing me marks which I shouldn't lose, marks which would have made me happier. If someone told me I could trade my perfect score in Eng. Lit. for a 500 in maths. I would without hestitation. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I would. At least I would know that my hardwork really did pay off, that I can be mistake-free if I want to. I guess that's not the case. What's the point in doing a maths course at university if you can't even see your own mistakes staring in front of you after checking for more than 5 times in an exam? I'm disappointed, and I can't help but feel that Mr. Finch is a little irked as well... Sure he says that these are good results and congratulates me and everything, but it just doesn't feel right... All the time spent, and I make stupid mistakes AND fail to notice them? That's a total letdown. A huge failure, and it hurts big time.
It's illogical that things you work hard for, you fail at it but things which rank low on your list of priorities, you succeed beyond any expectations. It's a cruel joke, but that's always been the case for me. So now does it mean that I have to rely on pure luck to get me through my life, since hardwork doesn't help at all? Strokes of luck, flukes, I'm tired of all these. Why can't I, for once really prove my ability at something? I always have to either exceed my wildest dreams, or fall way short of my own expectations. It's so hard to explain how did I do it when lady luck's on my side, or to give an answer to what happened when I don't do so well... Conclusion? Either I'm seriously underachieving, or I'm an idiot who just got lucky at the right times. Either way, it doesn't help. I'm just so frustrated now with all the nonsense going on with my life. I know some people will die to have results like mine, but the results don't count for anything. At least not to me. I really want to know where I really stand, to know that my hardwork really did pay off, that if I work hard, I can be at least on par with all the real geniuses out there, because I'm not one of them. Because I really want to be as good as them on my own accord...~Zhongy~
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Wednesday 8 August 2007
Ok so dad forced me to write this to try to encourage my little sister to read more and to stay away from the tele. Personally, I think it isn't going to work but just in case it does, I hope more of my friends would actually put aside some more time to do some casual reading. It really is a genuine, ground-breaking, mind-boggling experience.
My Reading Experience
From Harry Potter to Lord of The Rings, David Eddings to John Grisham, even Enid Blyton to Roald Dahl, these are the books which I grew up with since I was a toddler. I still remember the Peter and Jane, the Peter Rabbit story books and the Hardy Boys series which I spent hours and hours re-reading and re-reading again and again.
Every book is a new reading experience, and no two books are the same. Sure, they might have the same author, or even share the same plot, but each book is different in many ways. I’m lucky to have read some of the most amazing books by some of the most incredible authors and almost each book I’ve read have been a real page-turner. Yes, even the autobiographies! The important thing to always remember is that you choose what you read carefully. Amidst all the good books there will always be some horrendously boring ones which even the great authors write, and there will sometimes be a gem hiding between all those junk. You have to be smart enough to know which from what. In my opinion, a good book should always be intellectually stimulating, but not too dull as to hypnotise you to sleep each time you go through the first few pages. The writing should always be witty to keep you awake and if you’re reading a novel, it should always have some unexpected plot twists and immense character development. For an autobiography and non-fiction books, it’s harder to capture a reader’s attention so the writer needs to be really good with humour or expressive language which won’t bore you quickly. I won’t suggest people start reading non-fiction until your minds mature a bit. This is the genre which is the most intellectually stimulating but can be the uttermost nightmare if you don’t understand a thing it’s talking about. A good book to start with would be Iacoca’s autobiography.
So, why is it important to keep up on our reading? Yes there is always the cliché of improving the standard of our writing abilities, but it IS the gospel truth. There’s just no other way to get about it. And no, reading magazines and food labels don’t help. To really gain something out of reading you need to read works by real masters, professionals who are experts at the language whose style and prose you can integrate into your own writing. Newspapers help sometimes, but the standard of writing isn’t as high as the real authors. They offer a range of view points on current and past issues though, especially the critics and editors, which bring me to my second advantage of reading, point of view. As you read more, you will discover that authors are much like artists, who like to integrate their own thoughts and political viewpoints into their works. A communist writer would never sound the same as a capitalist one; neither will a liberal critic agree with a conservative editor. In the writing world, everybody is free to express their viewpoints and most of the time, get away with it. The people also love reading from different perspectives as it gives them the story in its entirety, with both sides able to tell their own version of a story. With the power of the internet and the accessibility to mass media, reading these different articles will expand both your knowledge and perspective of the world we live in today. These information are a real boon to your essay writing skills, as it helps you look also from the opposite perspective while arguing a topic in an essay. If you’re like me and love argumentative essays, the advantage you gain from reading is really a shot in the arm.
Now that you know what it can do for you, go ahead and give it a try. Look up the best-sellers list or just randomly pick a timeless classic and crack open that book. More often than not, you’ll find yourself immersed in a fantastic journey whether in the author’s imagination or a trip back down memory lane. No movie or video can ever give you the depth and scope of an author’s writing, and I can tell you, it’s definitely addictive. Once you experience the real grand scale of words and literature (READ: LORD OF THE RINGS) I guarantee that you’ll stay hooked for the rest of your life. So don’t be put off by the big tome, the endless pages and the lines and lines of words with no illustrations, soon you’ll be hanging on to every word and wishing for more. Everybody’s reading experience is different, when will yours take off?~Zhongy~
P/S I know its pretty short, but bear in mind its written for my little sis who's only 10. Anybody with any good books to recommend or need a book to start reading, please do PM me and I'll be happy to help out!
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Dell Inspiron 1420
02:59
Yea so I finally got notebook, and quite a good one too haha. It's a Dell Inspiron 1420 with a black casing. I'm not going to bore the normal readers with the specs (those interested can look at the postscript) but I'm currently typing this post on it and its great! Comfortable to type with, the sound and screen are amazingly clear and its BLAZING FAST. I'm impressed, Dell. So impressed that I even did a customer survey for you, ish... Even with all the Vista-stability issue rumours floating around, I havne't encountered a major problem which restarting the notebook can't fix, so its stable enough for me. I'm pleased with the new Vista interface too, even though some people did had complains about it lol. Quirks? Minor software compatibility issues which is expected with the new OS, very easily smudged screen and cover despite it being black (!) and some conectivity problems. Nothing I can't live with I guess. Oh yea its kinda heavy, but since I won't be lugging it around KTJ, that shouldn't be an issue...
Going back to school in 5 days, as Daryl's MSN nickname constantly reminds me about the dates... Another boring holiday for me I guess, constantly stuck at home with nothing to do... Actually come to think of it, I still have my Eng. Lit. homework to complete haha (!) Oh well, there will be time for that... The new term beckons, with new challenges waiting to be met. Exam results are coming out soon too! Hopefully I achieve own expectations and don't have to resit any of the papers... (READ: FRANKENSTEIN PAPER!) Term III is also uni application term, which means tons of essays about myself to write, considering I'm applying to both the UK and the US. It probably won't be that stressful with only the Physics and GP exam at the end-of-term but other commitments will assure that I fill up much of my time doing stuff and not lazing around in my bed with this laptop. Oh yea, I promised to visit some friends who are up in KL during some of the weekends so I'm looking forward to that:)
On another note, there will be more expectations on me to do well the next term because of all my commitments in school. Have to ensure that I don't slack and keep up the momentum from last term and OBS. Luckily I'm working with the best people in school so its gonna be fun and exciting. GUYS PLEASE GIVE ME A KNOCK ON THE HEAD OR SOMETHING IF I DO SLACK NEXT TERM! I REALLY MIGHT NEED IT! However academics do not take a backseat as there's Further Maths coming up (YAY!) and more Eng. Lit. essays to write as usual (groan!). Still, I believe its going to be another fun-filled term with the new Lower Six coming in and the various events coming up.
Okay I realise I've been mostly crapping here, but its MY BLOG. period haha. Anyhow I can't wait to go back to KTJ for the new term, which promises alot and hopefully I live up to expectations. Before I sign off there's a new blog which Alison and her friends have put up, titled 'Bekas Penuh' (www.bekaspenuh.blogspot.com) which is all about scholarship applications and stuff so anybody interested please do check it out. As I don't link other people's blog to mine the direct link is this pretty little box below:
It'll be ultra informative for those who have just finished their SPM or in the midst of Form 5. Plus, I know the people there are witty and interesting writers (Alison at least!) so it definitely won't be a bore to go through the articles haha. Going to sign off from here with some pictures of my new laptop and the jersey pictures I've been promising all of you! Chiaoz.~Zhongy~
P/S Ok because of the blogspot layout the pictures stay on top. You can already see the smudges on the vulnerable cover:( And here are the specs for my Inspiron 1420:
Chasis: Dell Inspiron 1420 Notebook with black cover
Intel Core 2 Duo Processor T7500 2.2Ghz, 4MB Cache, 800 Mhz FSB (Santa Rosa platform)
Windows Vista Home Premium
14.1" Ultrasharp Widescreen WXGA+ (1440x900) Display with TrueLife
2GB (2x1024MB) 667MHz Dual Channel DDR2 SDRAM
160GB SATA Hard Drive
Internal 8X DED+/-RW Combo Drive with dual layer write capabilities
NVIDIA GeForce 8400M GS with 128MB GDDR3 dedicated memory
Integrated 2MP webcam
Intel 4965AGN Wireless-N Mini-Card
Bluetooth
9-cell Battery
Integrated Stereo Sound
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Friday 3 August 2007
为自己辩护 -- 给父亲的信
02:44活在这家里十七年，我从来口中不出半句怨言。今日我要以笔代舌，反驳您对我的印象，为自己作辩护。
身为长子，我知道自己有责任为弟妹树立好版样。苍天有眼，在四个兄弟姐妹之中，我天资最为显耀，除了二妹之外，还有两位弟妹都稍逊一筹。这并不代表您别的孩子并不聪慧，只是我高人一等。但这并不代表您总是得拿我和别的孩子比较，而且比较的，都是万中挑一的，极聪明之人。没错，和这些人比起来，我的确笨了点，但您有没有想到，您这长子若与眼下所有人比较，到底占有什么地位？在学校里我算得上是巅峰人物，回到家中，却被您评得一文不值，这口气您要我如何吞下？我以成绩证明一切，实际上可能已经超越了比我多上三个月课的同学，老师也在报告上给了我极高的评价，但是在家里，我的实力得不到您的认可。成绩摆在眼前，我得分全班最高，您却以为我傲慢、自大，得来都是因为幸运，似乎我从来未在我天资的基础上，下过半点苦工。我现在在宿舍里生活，您何曾见过我的十万磨剑？现在是我放假的时间，我在家中散漫了点，您就以为那也是我在宿舍中的态度。身为律师，您无证据擅作判断，最令我气结。
反观我弟，他可不笨，但您对他掩护之至，严禁拿他和别人比较，尤我为最。您从来不赏识您长子在中学的成就，却认为这是您二儿子的成功绊脚石，所以您处处都顶着他，成为他无所不在的拐杖。他人不笨，绝对有自己的实力，却因真正的散漫、怠惰，才成绩不佳，您就认为他没我强，所以要扶持着他？是，他有他的实力，惟有他的工作态度，是他最大的败笔。您却把他的失败，归置在天资不佳的借口上。您的态度，与现今的马来西亚政策不约而同。我弟一日不争气，您这拐杖就越顶越高。他日后根本无法独立上游，您却要怪罪在我和大妹身上。我们俩都有努力付出，才有今天的成就，您却认为这些都成了我弟的瓶颈，根本是在为他找借口而已。我们给他和二妹留下的，是别人对曾家儿女的好印象，不是什么更大的压力，您却始终看不清、想不通。在别人面前您把我贬得一文不值，却硬要夸他有上进、有进步，我就反而成了您的箭靶。您就认为我会这样不了了之？
您对我的印象极差，但别人却不这么认为，您可想过是为什么？您成日拿我和更强的人比较，我当然永远无法在您面前抬起头来。但是您可想过，我不一定比他们弱。他们的专一，我用多元化代替。他们是一技所长，我却是多方面的能手。当然若只冲着一方面比较，我自愿投降，但是若以全面比较，我不觉得我会比他们差。我要的，不是一方面的专长，而是多方面的能力。这是我自己的选择，没必要向您多解释。从以前为了迎合您而没脑子地努力，我现在选择的，是自己的道路。您想要我上世界顶尖大学，难道我就不想？但是我要以自己的方式、凭自己的实力被录取，而不是像您那样刻意捉漏洞、投机取巧进入。对我而言，您的方法，表明您对我根本没信心，我不屑一顾。我觉得我绝对有实力被赏识、被录取。您觉得我自傲，但是单凭实力,我就有资格说这些话。
今日大吐心声，只觉心身畅快。这封信您看不看到，我都不介意。我就是我，如假包换，虽是您的长子，但是生活没必要由您所控制。我知道我对这个家要负起责任，我相信时间会证明一切。～翼/翔~
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