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underneath the stars
It is all very well, when the pen flows, but then there are the dark days when imagination deserts one, and it is an effort to put anything down on paper. That little you have achieved stares at you at the end of the day, and you know the next morning you will have to scrape it down and start again. ~Elizabeth Aston
Wednesday 26 March 2008
Words To Ponder...
13:54

Stumbled upon this in one of the forums I visit. It's truly something that's probably close to everybody's heart.

Of All the Things I Learnt at Princeton, These are the Most Important

For many of you, the next few days will be a time of tremendous emotional turmoil.

For those who applied early to one of Princeton's peers there will be scenes of joy and others of soul-wrenching devastation. Even with the higher acceptance rates in EA/ED rounds, over two-thirds of you will find yourselves holding the dreaded thin envelope or slumped over your computer keyboard wondering what more you could have done. You will second-guess every comma and wonder if your essay was too long or if you should have retaken the SATs one more time. You'll hide from the pained smiles and words of comfort coming from parents and friends who just don't get it, who just don't understand how you hurt. On the one hand you'll rage at the school that made you feel this way and on the other, wonder if classmates who snickered at your application to school X, Y or Z really did have it right and that you are, just as they guessed, a poseur who reached too high and got what you deserved.

To anyone in this situation, I say this.

Know that your value as a person cannot be determined by a group of overworked admissions officers. You have something to offer the world and whether or not it was revealed in those maddeningly constricted spaces on those pages of impersonal forms...it is real. You are more than a "fill-in-the-blank". Remind yourself of that.

To those who were accepted early at Brown, Columbia, Cornell, Dartmouth, MIT, Stanford, UPenn, Yale or any one of many other wonderful and competitive schools--congratulations! To those who were deferred or rejected, take heart. The admissions season is far from over. In the next two weeks there will still be plenty of time to fill out applications to other schools.

One of them, I hope, will be Princeton, and this is why.

When I first saw Princeton it was easy to fall in love. Under brilliant skies the gothic spires and quiet courtyards spoke to me. I had some familiarity with the UK and saw an American version of Cambridge before me. Still, I was cautious. I had visited the campus unsure of what to expect. Competitive classmates had urged me to ignore a school they derisively characterized as a haven for the wealthy and a playground for the privileged. The eating clubs, they said, were places no civilized liberal high school student like me would be able to stomach. The town would be dull, the student body "preppy" and I would be marginalized without a name followed by a roman numeral.

They could not have been more wrong.

My most vivid memory was of my first night in my host student's room. There were no subtly probing questions about my family or my SATs or anxious and defensive questions about other schools to which I was applying (all of which I'd heard at schools I'd just visited). My host was uninterested in whether my high school was public or private or where I had 'vacationed' last summer. Instead, he leaned toward me and asked a single question. "Are you doing okay?"

"I'm asking," he said, "because I remember what a totally [explicative] time applying to schools was for me."

I breathed out slowly and then drew in the aroma of stale pizza and patient piles of dirty laundry that permeate all college students' rooms. "Yeah," I said, "and thanks for asking."

There would be many other questions in those two days. I asked about the Princeton Honor Code, if it worked and if it were true that, because of it, exams were unsupervised. I asked about the eating clubs and was taken to Charter for some fun meals with my host's decidedly unpretentious friends. I met my host's Mexican-American family and his little sister who, at the age of six or so, told me confidently that someday she was going to go to Princeton too. I found a quiet classroom with a single student hidden behind stacks of books who stopped and took the time to tell me about the workload and the opportunities, about her senior thesis and her plans for the future. I sat in on a lecture by a philosophy professor, whose name I can't remember, but whose riffs on Locke's Second Treatise on Government left me simultaneously laughing and in awe. I met a football player who also happened to sing in an a cappella group and an engineer who wrote short stories. I was introduced to a young professor who spent at least half an hour over coffee answering my questions and encouraging me to consider Princeton seriously.

Everywhere I went those two days, I found an institution serious in its purpose and determined to expect and demand the best from the members of its community. There was no arrogance, little talk of comparisons with other schools and no more popped collars than I had seen anywhere else. I heard plenty of laughing, strolled the busy town, overhead conversations in languages from across the globe and worked out in a sweaty gym with dozens of friendly students. Two days may not be enough time to see deeply into the soul of an institution, but it is long enough to realize that it has one.

In the end, I applied to all of Princeton's peers and was lucky enough to be offered a place at each of them. Now, a number of years out of Princeton, I look back and know that I never really had a choice. In passing under those vaulted arches, while sitting quietly in Princeton's magnificent chapel as stained glass rainbows bathed me in their soft light, in finding friends everywhere I turned during those magical autumn days...I had asked the right question. I had found the "me" that had been looking for an academic home.

Of all the things I learned at Princeton, these are the most important--

Life is not always easy but it is rich beyond any eighteen year old's imagination and it is all ahead of you. Be humble and work hard. Give thanks for the gifts you've received and remember that some will be earned while others will be handed to you as a result of glorious good fortune. Be strong when things go badly and forgive yourself for your failures. Avoid both false modesty and crippling pride. Be real, and finally, care about those around you in the same way Princeton cared about me. And, oh yes--every once in awhile, ask them how they're doing.


This is true not only for US Ivy League universities, but UK ones and in fact, all the universities in the world as well. The terms 'prestigious' and 'unattainable' are subjective. What you can catch when you reach for the stars is personal and the result is probably a mixture of skill, hard work, talent and luck. In our world today being the straight A student with exemplary extra-curricular activities is not enough already. The top unis take for granted that those who apply are just that, the best of the best, the creme de la creme of their year. And it's true. Yet, admission rates for Ivies and Oxbridge are hitting all time lows now (close to 5%) and with every passing year, the quality of students get higher and the admission rates, lower. Sometimes people wonder what does it really take to make it to these top universities.

I was rejected by Duke University today. Duke is not quite in the Ivy's league but definitely one of the best in the world (13th by Times for 2 consecutive years). This is the letter by the Dean of Admissions:

Dear Zhong Yang:

It is with very real regret that I must tell you that we will not be able to offer you a place in the class entering Duke this fall. I realize that this is disappointing news; I want to assure you that we considered your candidacy carefully and that our decision was not an easy one.

This was in many ways an extraordinary year for the admission process at Duke. We received more than 20,300 applications, the largest number in our history and over a thousand more than last year. The applicant pool was one of the strongest academically we have ever had. As a result, in filling just 1,650 places in the first-year class the Admissions Committee faced a number of difficult decisions, and found itself not being able to admit students it might well have admitted just a year or two ago. After reviewing each application at least twice, it is clear to us that almost all of our applicants are outstanding young women and men, people fully capable of performing well in Duke’s classrooms and contributing to our community. Unfortunately, the sheer volume of applicants means that we can admit only a small percentage of the students we find appealing, a task made exceptionally difficult by the unusual strength and size of our applicant pool this year.

You may be asking what was lacking in your application; for most of our applicants the honest answer is nothing. If you’re like most of the students who applied, you’ve put much effort into doing well in school, you made significant contributions in your extracurricular activities, and you worked hard to balance the many demands on your time. The Admissions Office staff and the Admissions Committee carefully and fully evaluated each application, finding it extremely challenging to distinguish among the many exceptional students who would flourish here. The decisions of the Admissions Committee are guided by our understanding of our applicants as individuals, and our sense of which students together, with their particular combination of interests, backgrounds, and experiences, approach our sense of the class that is most appropriate for Duke right now. We have no quotas by school, by state, by race or ethnic group, by gender, or by area of interest. Our decisions are ultimately based on our evaluation of the many factors that together suggest to us the best match between our applicants – individually and as a group – and Duke. In creating our class and choosing among the large number of outstanding candidates, we could select only some of the many applicants who would be wonderful Duke students and alumni. I can tell you that at one point or another every staff member remarked how difficult the selection process was this year.

You and your fellow applicants have exceptional academic and personal qualifications, and I truly regret that we could not offer you a place in the first-year class. I know that you will find an institution at which you will be happy; I know, too, that the school you choose will benefit from your presence. I wish you all the success I know you are capable of as you pursue your education further.


Deep down, nothing would cheer me up from not getting an offer. It is that hollow feeling of not being good enough, of not being wanted. But yet sometimes I wonder, is it really the case of not being good enough? The expectations weigh down heavily on my shoulders, but when being rejected, there is just the frustration of not being able to make a case for yourself, to prove to somebody sitting across the globe that I am worthy of a place. And yes, I do feel worthy, I do feel good enough, and I do feel that I can be as good, if not better than those chosen to take their place in these universities. Call it ego, call it pride, but I have always believed that my track record speaks for itself, and nobody can take that away from me. I am not a fatalist, but sometimes, you just have to put it down to 'not meant to be', simply because there just isn't any other explanation for it...~Zhongy~


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Sunday 23 March 2008
Damnit Why Are You So Pissed and Emo!!!
13:29

Scholarship time again. For those who don't know or who want to apply, there are currently 3 scholarships to apply for which are due at the end of this week, Khazanah, Sime Darby and Bank Negara! Back to filling endless forms that you somehow have a sinking feeling that people won't actually read and possibly, if you're lucky enough to be shortlisted, preparing for interviews again. Hate this cycle but it's for my tertiary education overseas. No choice in that....

Decisions for all US applications are also out at the end of this month so I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Already got rejected from MIT (they only took 1 from Malaysia this year!) but still hopeful for the rest. Feel that I did particularly well for the Harvard and Yale interviews so if luck permits, I'll be on my way to US in September. Oh well, we'll see how it goes...

It's one more week to the end of Term 4 in KTJ and I'm still not done with my Yearbook yet. Articles are still streaming in and so are the designs so I'm hopeful everything will be done in this last week of school. Bit annoyed by all the procrastinating going on but I guess it's all part of the process... Final push now, final push...

Have not been sleeping well lately, so struggling to get some decent rest. Hopefully all will be well come the end of term, where I'll have two weeks off to chill and (also hit the books for my finals). Still trying to come to terms with some things, and will sort that out in time... For now, it's full steam ahead for my work. There's just no time to be distracted now by all this meaningless things... On another note am happy with my End-of-Term report and how I did in my trials (bar Physics, which was a farce), so that should keep my mood up for a little during the days :)

Anyhow will keep you guys updated, hopefully with some good news by the end of this month...~Zhongy~


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Thursday 13 March 2008
Lost Innocence...
13:01

Innocence
Avril Lavigne
The Best Damn Thing

Waking up I see that everything is ok
The first time in my life and now it's so great!
Slowing down I look around and I am so amazed
I think about the little things that make life great
I wouldn't change a thing about it
This is the best feeling

This innocence is brilliance, I hope that it will stay
This moment is perfect, please don't go away, I need you now
And I'll hold on to it, don't you let it pass you by

I found a place so safe, not a single tear
The first time in my life and now it's so clear
Feel calm I belong, I'm so happy here
It's so strong and now I let myself be sincere
I wouldn't change a thing about it
This is the best feeling

This innocence is brilliance, I hope that it will stay
This moment is perfect, please don't go away, I need you now
And I'll hold on to it, don't you let it pass you by

It's the state of bliss you think you're dreaming
It's the happiness inside that you're feeling
It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry

It's the state of bliss you think you're dreaming
It's the happiness inside that you're feeling
It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry

It's so beautiful it makes you want to cry

This innocence is brilliance, it makes you want to cry
This innocence is brilliance, please don't go away
'Cause I need you now
And I'll hold on to it, don't you let it pass you by

This innocence is brilliance, I hope that it will stay
This moment is perfect, please don't go away, I need you now
And I'll hold on to it, don't you let it pass you by


Upbeat lyrics, but I always get a sense of dread listening to this song... Haih... I'm sorry... Sometimes I'm just too proud for my own good...~Zhongy~


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Sunday 9 March 2008
New Morning
14:55

An article on the Malaysian Bar website by Mr. Yeo Yang Poh. The title is 'New Morning' which I feel, will strike a chord among all Malaysians out there. Happy reading!

New Morning
Mr. Yeo Yang Poh
Sunday, 9th March 2008

The 8th day of March 2008 is a milestone in Malaysian history; and the 9th, the following day, witnesses a new morning.

For half a century, Malaysians (for a variety of reasons both real and imagined) have got accustomed to living under a political monopoly, believing and fearing that any substantial change would be detrimental to their own interest. It was, in part, an indoctrinated fear.

That psychological shackle of fear has now been broken.

The Barisan Nasional (including its predecessor), having ruled the country since independence, is naturally wondering why its iron-fisted monopoly has been so suddenly and unexpectedly breached. For the sake of moving the nation forward, this enquiry, if it can be carried out with brutal and painful frankness, will be a meaningful one.

The reasons for this moment of truth are multiple and complex, almost too numerous to list. But I suggest that they include the following:

(a) There is no denial that the coalition formula was necessary for the attainment of independence. The spirit of working together, as equal partners, was both admirable and essential. Equal, that is, though not in terms of numbers, but in terms of rights and responsibilities. However, over the years, the gradual erosion of this spirit, brought about by the greed for power and wealth, has betrayed the essence of the coalition formula, and has turned it from a winning formula into an oppressive one.

(b) To maintain power and control, it became expedient to arrange politics according to race, in order to divide and rule, first along racial lines, and then along religious ones. The coalition becomes equal only in the payment of lip service. It gets increasingly difficult to convince the affected persons that this is a partnership of equals, while their representatives are compelled to continue insisting that it is.

(c) The preoccupation by the ruling elite in pursuing personal power and wealth, fuelled by an unbroken string of successes no matter how audacious their conduct has become, has entrenched a culture of ignoring the genuine needs and wishes of the people. The citizens’ voices of appeal may grow louder and louder, but are met with either deaf ears or insincere promises that are repeatedly broken. Those who dare to turn up the volume of their complaints are harshly dealt with. But the people cannot be fooled forever. Carrots delivered just before each election might have worked for a while, but cannot work indefinitely. And the people cannot be cowed forever.

(d) For decades Malaysians with genuine grouses or who wish to offer solutions for societal problems were told to work “within the system”. “If you want something (that ought to be yours in the first place), come and work within the system” is the fatherly decree issued throughout the years. That might be acceptable if the system in fact works. Alas, most experience of working within the system soon became “begging the system”, with small successes and huge frustrations. Is it surprising, then, that a time will come when the people will say that enough is enough?

(e) A system of the above nature allows sycophants and leaders with personal agenda to thrive, while those who wish to reveal the truth and improve the lot of the people are at best ignored and at worst persecuted. Such is the perfect recipe for an eventual downfall.

(f) The above expanding phenomena, and many others, have manufactured a host of fatal problems such as endemic corruption, depletion of national resources, inequity in the distribution of resources, abuse of power, and the like; in short, an unfair society. It is a matter of time before simmering discontent acquires an erupting force.

(g) Arrogance on the part of the ruling elite (again because of their unbroken record of successes and the fear tactics that they have no reservation in using) makes them blind to the repeated warnings that things are about to boil over. The use of threats, splashed on the front pages of newspapers in the days leading to the election, sickened many, and probably backfired. Some of those threats had clear racial undertones. It was Malaysians who, in casting their votes, had surprised the Barisan by rising above racial divide (such as in Penang and Klang). The Barisan has underestimated the growing maturity of the Malaysian electorate.

There are of course many more reasons and causes than those mentioned above. If the Barisan wishes to regain lost ground in the future, it needs to sincerely pay heed to frank advice, and remedy its serious shortcomings.

Now that the political monopoly has been broken in a number of States, and the future prospect of breaking the same at the federal level has become an attainable goal rather than a dream, the Opposition (which is now the ruling party at some State levels) has a mountain of work ahead. So much hope is pinned on their shoulders.

Among the most important things that the Opposition must do are the following.

(i) They must never forget, not even in their sleep, that their much-improved victory is not their victory, but the victory of the people. Thus they must serve the people with humility and dedication. They should be proud, not of their success, but of the people who have enabled them to succeed.

(ii) Having been in the opposition for so long, some of them need to quickly learn the ropes of governing. Teething problems are inevitable. Be transparent and frank to the people, and remedy any errors as soon as they are discovered. While the people expect perfect bona fide and honesty, they will be forgiving about imperfections in the execution of tasks, when things are done transparently.

(iii) Identify and divide tasks into various categories: those that require urgent attention, short-term goals, long-term policies, and so on. Set timelines for each task, though not cast in stones, and make every effort to keep to them. Engage or employ the right people for the right jobs. Outsource if need be.

(iv) Pay immediate attention to issues that are most burning to the people, such as the economy, poverty issues, equitable distribution of resources and opportunities, security, etc.

(v) Set up effective oversight mechanisms immediately, especially in relation to financial matters, the processing and granting of permits and contracts, and corruption in the public sector. This must include a strict monitoring of the members of the Opposition themselves, to ensure that no corruption or cronyism is practised.

(vi) Set up effective mechanism to receive and address complaints from members of the public.

(vii) Opposition leaders at all levels, and in particular the top leaders, must ensure that there is no in-fighting among themselves, for this will quickly destroy the faith that Malaysians have placed on them by giving them this opportunity that is hitherto unprecedented in Malaysian history.

The challenge for the Opposition in the coming months and years is a huge one. There will be many more ways to fail in this challenge than to succeed. They have to be always vigilant, honest and humble. Opposition members are not exempt from frequent visits by the demons of human weaknesses. The same people who have put them there can as easily reverse the decision if they should betray the faith placed in them.

Checks and balances are essential for any system of government. This new morning in Malaysia will in the long run benefit all Malaysians, whatever their political persuasions may be. Let us all get down to hard, honest work.


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Results and Elections
12:42

Oh well, I guess I should be updating this more frequently, but I'm so bogged down with work that it's become more of a nuisance to keep this going. Anyhow here goes:

Results for January exams just came out. Must say that I'm deeply DISAPPOINTED. Have high A's in C4 (100), FP1 (96), M3 (96) and Poetry+Translations (116/120) but surprise surprise, C's in S2 (65) and Captain Corelli's Mandolin (59). DISAPPOINTING! Totally... I agree with Pn. Noorsham. Disappointed and still in disbelief with these results. No way in hell that I can get these results. Well maybe by a long shot it's mathematically possible, but seriously... CCM was by far the most cruel, where only 1 person (Yan) got A in the whole class. S2 only 9 people got A's in the whole form. But still, that doesn't help comfort me in any way. Refuse to believe that I am in any way a C student and I feel that this does not reflect upon the hard work and effort I have put in, especially for CCM during the holidays. Though the S2 results doesn't affect my final grade, I'm still going to retake it for the sake of 'pride and personal satisfaction' (quote; Mr. Dickman). I know I sound dumb and stuck up because I can be using the extra time to prepare for other papers come May and June buy seriously, I won't be satisfied until I set the record right. Retaking CCM also even though I'm 25 marks above the A cut-off point. I guess it's better because I know I can do well in it and raise my cut-off point. Don't feel particularly confident with Antony & Cleopatra or Larkin poetry OR the unseen so it's for the best.

Down to more, should I say pressing and important matters? Malaysia held it's General Elections again and this time round, we see definite winds of change through out the country. It's the first time Barisan Nasional has suffered such a setback since 1969. The Opposition has won five states and has denied BN a 2/3 majority in parliament. After the crushing win in 2004, this is certainly a slap on the face. However, it goes without saying that the writing has already been long on the wall and the results do not come as such a huge surprise. In fact, should our PM have called the elections later, the outcome would probably have been much worse due to rising prices of domestic products, ethnic unrest and high profile scandals. The voters have spoken at the polls and they should seriously take heed to the voices out there.

On another note, I am somehow sceptical about the new distribution of power in our country. The Opposition now owns 5 states and holds almost 35% in parliament. Granted it has reduced the monopoly of BN in federal matters but seriously, what does this mean for the people in Malaysia? A particularly disturbing case springs to mind: The case of Shahrir Abdul Samad resigning as chairman of the BN Backbenchers Club (see Screenshots: http://www.jeffooi.com/2006/05/sandiwara_take_the_teflon_test.php) in 2006. Apparently, party members are not allowed to support motions brought up by the opposing parties in parliament. It is a policy in BN and I suspect, in all the other parties as well. Well take into account what will happen in our parliament now that BN has been denied 2/3 majority. Nothing will get done! Motions will be opposed because of party policy and with the lack of majority, no effective decisions can be made. It remains to be seen how this will play out but for the sake of our country, I hope that this ridiculous policy is thrown out of the window. When you're in parliament you make decisions based on what is best for the people. There should be no restrictions on whether they support a motion or not. To quote Shahrir,

'Like in all things, I have my principles. For example when I decided to resign as MP some time ago, I made a decision because of certain principles. You must have principles. In politics, you must have principles.

Just like in the media, you must have principles. If your boss tells you your story must be changed, then you must resign.'



Now if every MP could be like that, Malaysia would have been a much better place. For now, we'll just have to wait and see... Hopefully they will make decisions with integrity and it would truly be a sign that Malaysia has matured as a country. That would really be taking a huge step forward in terms of democracy. For now, it would be better to just see if our newly-elect leaders can fulfil their promises and restore the public faith in the government. With this new advent in politics, there are certainly exciting times ahead...~Zhongy~


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