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underneath the stars
It is all very well, when the pen flows, but then there are the dark days when imagination deserts one, and it is an effort to put anything down on paper. That little you have achieved stares at you at the end of the day, and you know the next morning you will have to scrape it down and start again. ~Elizabeth Aston
Saturday, 21 February 2009
Minted Masquerade
11:14

Have I told you lately that I love you?

I know Malaysia Night was over about two weeks ago, but trying to reduce the backlog of work has kept me preoccupied until now. It was a pretty brilliant event if I was to be honest with you. I'm sure the audience, based on the feedback I've got, were pretty impressed with the show we put up at great expense and effort in order to maintain some profound sense of pride of having 'the best MNight in the UK'. Whether it's going to be better than everybody else I don't know, and frankly I don't really care. Perception is subjective, and will always stay that way.

But for me, this project felt like one of those things that 'could have been', which I (thankfully) have not encountered much in my career of getting involved in things. It 'could have been better', or maybe the phrase is 'should have been', but at the end all it felt like was a sort of hollowness that is telling you 'you never got there'. Sure, there was a lot of enthusiasm and adrenaline running high all around the place, but at the same time the effort put in lacked cohesiveness and efficiency, often lagging behind schedules and generally lacking the proper cutting edge. Yes, this is the time when you roll your eyes and say, 'Malaysians', but frankly that is not an excuse for being mediocre. You will notice that I am using a lot of indefinite articles, but based on experience, this could have been a much more polished, if not better experience for everybody if there was a higher degree of organisation and professionalism around the whole thing. As part of the production team, I cannot, and will not shirk off my responsibilities, though I believe I've tried my best to get involved, and there is only so much a stage manager can do in terms of the technical side of the show.

I agree with the seniors on one thing: you do get to meet a lot of people whom you would usually never meet when you take part in dikir and the whole project in general. Whether the whole show brought people closer though, is still up for debate. Sometimes everything feels so disarrayed that you just feel like going up and strangling the person standing next to you. THAT wouldn't be too helpful for caramaderie. Every day that brought me closer to Malaysia Night, I went to bed with an increased feeling of annoyance that things were not going as well as they should be. Everybody felt like they were doing their own thing and somehow things never really got together as a whole. Behind the curtains during showtime, it felt almost like any other circus with disjointed performances and lack of flow. Maybe with the limitations placed upon us such as not having the actual stage until the day itself and lack of transportation hindered our ambitions somewhat, but it just felt like being in a bunch of headless chickens running around in circles chasing each other. On stage, individuals shined and there were some truly virtuoso performances, but the show as a whole stopped short of being a true 'tour de force' and IMHO did not live up to the promise of the entire talent pool available in the cast and crew.
'It's over, screw it.' I'm sorry that shouldn't be the case. This project is probably one of the most unsatisfying of the bunch I've been involved in. There was no euphoria after everything ended despite being such a bigger production compared to House Singing in KTJ, and no, I certainly did not feel any of those PMS (Post-MNight-Syndrome) symptoms which others claimed to exhibit. In retrospect, it felt more like 'it's over, next please', rather than 'wow, it's over'. Maybe I expected abit more after putting in so much effort, but for such a flamboyant project you would expect a little more panache and sense of pride or satisfaction after it all ends. I feel neither. It might possibly just be my cynicism getting ahead of me and I might change my opinion after awhile, but I doubt it. The 'high', if you can call it that, *should* have been there but it just wasn't; Or maybe I was just too tired or sick to care.

Anyhow back to normal uni life. No more dikir pratices at night or play rehearsals to go to. Do I even care?~Zhongy~



Favourite bit of MNight, the awesome trailer. If you want to watch I think the whole production's pretty much online on Youtube or Facebook.


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Thursday, 19 February 2009
悼念沈老
21:08

第一次接触到沈老,或该说是沈老的字,应该是当他为我的小学培二小学新落实的活动中心提的一副对联吧。如今若回到母校,再次看到那副对联时,相信各位校友、同学,都会有种物是人非的感觉吧?毕竟沈老对华社、华教的贡献,只能用"鞠躬尽粹,死而后已"来形容。

但我主要接触沈老,还是在书法界里。沈老是以前的马六甲书艺协会的名誉顾问,所以每当有大型的展览或书法赛,他都会以嘉宾的身份到场。尤其是农历新年的时候,更是能看到沈老在台上致词、颁奖。初几次听沈老致词,都觉得他的内容一成不变、枯燥乏味,句句都绕着传统文化转;"会用筷子吃饭的炎黄子孙,都应该要会用毛笔写字",可能就是沈老最常用的一段词。但是随着年龄与阅历成长,你会开始欣赏沈老他那不屈不挠,谆谆不倦的精神。就从他以前能踏脚车到大马到处走,到近年来被心脏问题侵蚀且因为年长而开始行动不便,沈老的教诲依然一样,不受岁月的痕迹磨损。一旦到了讲台上,他那苍劲的声音仍勉励着我们年轻一代力争上游,也告诫我们不能忘却祖先遗留下来的文化。他那屹立不倒的精神,也反映在他的书法里。沈老的字,非常明显地露出了他一生中的骨气 --每一笔、每一画都扎实、稳重,一转一折中亦深涵内韵,纯熟而不露锋。


现在,九十七岁的老叟走了。他留下的,是一幅幅的墨宝,和一段段演说中的词句。沈老一生的奋斗,是华人的骄傲,也是值得大家学习的对象。没有了他,华社失去了一个泰山北斗。明年的农历新年少了沈老的致词,感觉上也该会像是失去了一点点的什么...~翼/翔~



沈慕羽走了
陈再藩

星期五早上,手机里塞满了马六甲与吉隆坡朋友传来的短讯:沈老走了!沈老是谁?他是马来西亚华人族魂林连玉先生之后的另一个华教大灵魂。

  星期六,马来西亚所有的中文媒体,都大篇幅地报道这位华教伟人逝世的消息。南洋商报黑字斗大,写着:“华教斗 士,砥柱南天”。终年九十七岁的老人家,一生领导马来西亚华人教师总会二十八年,为华文教育奋斗而被捕不只一次。最后一次发生于1987年马哈迪当政期 间,入狱两百天的沈老当年已经七十四岁。

  沈慕羽1913年出生于马六甲,祖籍福建晋江。父亲为马六甲同盟会领袖沈鸿柏。据说其父为他取名慕羽,乃因期盼他景慕三国关羽。沈慕羽的父亲是古城培风中学的创办人之一。1928年,他以第一名的成绩毕业于培风中学初中。

  1937年中国卢沟桥事变,沈慕羽在马来亚参与抗日行列,组织歌咏队、戏剧团,到处宣传。41年太平洋 战争爆发,他担任了马六甲各社团抗敌动员总会秘书,也出任马六甲华侨青年战时服务团团长。41年1月马六甲沦陷,他曾一度逃至新加坡,过后又返回马六甲。 1945年日本投降,他受聘为马六甲华侨公立第一小学校长——沈慕羽的终生校长形象,从此开始。1949年,马六甲的陈祯禄创组马华公会,他加入了政党。 第2年,他与林连玉倡议组织全国华校教师总会。这个组织在接下来的半个世纪里对马来西亚华文教育产生深远影响。

  沈慕羽在政治上虽被喻为马华公会青年团的“马青之父”,但却于1966年因争取华文为官方语言而与当时 马华公会会长陈修信(陈祯禄之子)产生对立而被开除出党。在这事件上,他留下了“一息尚存,难安缄默”的名言。沈老的生命,从此转入纯然为民族母语奋斗的 长征,直到2月5日晚上逝世为止。

  1987年10月11日,马来西亚华人社团及朝野政党齐聚吉隆坡天后宫,强烈抗议政府派不谙华文教师到 华小担任高职。笔者适逢人在吉隆坡,也挤入那场山雨欲来风满楼的激昂大会,并首次见到沈老。印象中,天后宫之山丘下,镇暴军警已经重重围守。28日,老人 家与华教董事会主席林晃升一起被捕。

  这位马来西亚服务最久校长纪录的华教斗士,是位全方位的“华人”,他写得一手沉稳厚重的好书法,也终生 写日记。他推崇孔子与孔学,促成马六甲孔子大厦之落成,还曾于2002年受台北市长马英九邀请赴台主持祭孔典礼。几年前,笔者与一群诗人及歌者在马六甲河 畔的古迹建筑“海关亭”搞了一场不拘小节的诗曲雅集,沈老爽快应邀。歌者之中,沈老年龄最大,但心态年轻。当夜压卷之作,乃由他清唱一曲古调,全场惊艳动 容。曲罢,掌声如雷。“古城白发壮怀,临河楼头放歌”的雅集印象,永铭于心。

  沈校长手推一辆脚车的俭朴形象,就和马六甲古城早已风华退尽的荷兰街一样叫人感到淡静温馨。他的中庸包着坚毅风骨,若碰上强横无道,他比钢还硬。

  沈老的灵堂设在培风中学大礼堂。培风中学有一幅他的墨宝,写的是:种族平等,共建大马。

 而他生前筑成的墓碑,自撰:服务一生,战斗一世。

  前句是目标理想,后句是精神。

  中间,是叫人景仰的大灵魂!


永远的沈慕羽
何启良

我又北上令人长相忆的马六甲了。五年前沈慕羽先生大寿,我与黄文斌夫妇驾车匆匆北上,为了见一见沈先生,止多年思念之渴。“忧心烈烈,载饥载渴。”《诗经》这两句,正是我们心情的写照。匆匆五载,沈先生老当益健,他的大寿,无论如何我也得出席。那天在新加坡举办的道家思想研讨会还没有正式结束,我就告辞了。在路上一直在想起这些年来沈先生的一生事业,以及他的近况,他的 健康如何?他的歌声仍然像昔日的嘹亮吗?上次见到他,应该是五年前的事了。那次他看到我,紧紧和我握手,坐着的身体微微站起,似乎歉意地说他的脚力不好。 我殷勤回应且切切问候。

我实在高兴能够赴沈先生的95大寿。和马来西亚华社一样,我有福分分享到一位智者长寿的喜悦。对于高寿的沈先生,我总是充满了敬意,他的身上从里到外透出一股清气。他的确是老当益壮,不离尘嚣。他的入世似乎是因为他必须介入世俗的纷争才能真正解怀。尽管马来西亚华社不乏兼备坚持而豪气的教育家,但像沈先生这样感性和理性交互渗透在举止和谈话之中,并形成鲜明特色的却很罕见。

沈先生“穷且益坚,不坠青云之志”。那晚在礼堂的讲台上,他的声音宏亮,讲了大概20分钟的话,话题涉及马来西亚华人的文化和教育现状,谈到华文小学被当局歧视,而华人必须自强不息云云,对政府对待华人的态度保持高度质疑,他的姿态是激昂的,语气是不平的。然而就我看来,我所认识的沈慕羽,几十年如一日,他的讲话道出了一位奋斗了超过半个世纪的一个知识分子的真心话。

后来我听了另一场演讲,对沈先生的演讲感触更深。8月2日在吉隆坡“世界亚洲学者国际会议”(ICAS4)的开幕典礼上,马来西亚副首相纳吉演讲,我和来自世界各地约千位学者一样,洗耳恭听。副首相谈的,也是马来西亚的现状,他说马来西亚是多元文化社会,其成就是有目共睹的,而政府政策是主因。听众多半是外来学者,自然对马来西亚多元种族和多元文化极为羡慕。副首相的讲话显然是有考虑到听众是谁,因为在前两个星期,他就有“马来西亚是一个回教国”的谈话,引起诸多争议。我的感触是,政治人物常会信口开河,人民不要求他们言行一致,只要求言论能够始终如一。见风使舵,没有原则,这难道是政治人物必备的技巧吗?

沈慕羽之所以为华社尊重,他的言论一致当然是主因,而他亦言行一致,更为重要。这一点我一直认为与中华文化深厚文化底藴有极大的关连。中华文化之厚重,体现最为彻底的,是书法。书法体现着中华民族思维特质和认知模式的特殊性,人在磨墨,墨也在磨人呀。沈慕羽日夜练字,练出了不只是一腔浩然正气,亦是一股文化灵气。如今学书法者多弃颜体,主要是它严正、稳实、雄强、宽厚,不易得到讲究闲暇心意者的亲昧。沈慕羽一生只写颜体,骨力遒劲而气概凛然,可以看出书与人潜移默化的结果。书法,这中华文人的核心编码,对一个人的生命认知和时代感照,有极大的催促作用。

1998年我心血来潮,去信向沈先生索字,要求写陈寅恪的名句“独立之精神,自由之思想”,他欣然答应,不日就寄来墨迹。我极爱之,如今仍然不断揣摩和思量字里行间的深意。其实这两句话,也能够用在沈慕羽的身上。他独立于众多妥协之外,毅然故我,出于淤泥而不染。当华社在纷乱之中无所适从时,他还是最清醒的。他年事越高,越能够自在地游任于出世与入世之间,身陷囹囫而华教得以捍卫,身受屈辱,屡次入狱却得思想之自由。于个人于家于国,毋宁幸哉。

沈慕羽说他“服务一生,战斗一世”,诚然。他的人格魅力,源于他报效华社和国家的高远志向,他的大仁大义,以及他的赤子之心。那晚他声音宏亮的那句话:“我1913年于马六甲出生,土生土长,是100%的‘土著’,但是我却没有特权”,与他雄苍的歌声一样,荡气回肠,一直环绕着我的脑海里,久久不散。马来西亚华人世代自强不息,虽然生活在边缘,然而爱土地,勇于拼搏,奋发图强,不落人后。他们热血之中所蕴含的,就是沈慕羽永远不屈服于万难的民族精神。


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