I wake up this morning suddenly feeling really disillusioned with myself. Just didn't feel like doing anything but lie in bed, listening to music and drifting off to sleep. True enough I dully skipped the 9 o'clock lecture. Unfortunately there was an assignment to hand up and I had to rouse myself from my stupor to make an effort to hand it in. Now that I had a proper go at another assignment sheet, I feel even more frustrated with myself. I'm just not in the mood to do any math right now. It just seems downright monotonous and dull, at times incomprehensible and totally out of sync. There's a new module lecture starting today and I hope I'd be able to rouse enough interest for that. Sometimes too much of a good thing can be bad I guess, no matter how much I love the challenge. It feels like there's now an inscalable wall standing right in front of me, and I just can't find a way around it. Only half way into the first term and I'm feeling burnt out from math. I guess it's true when they say that it's not for everyone. I need a break from the stress; Need to get out of the loop of constantly having tests and assignments every week which bloody counts towards my final. Now I'm missing the times when I can curl up in my bed during prep time reading a novel. I just can't help feeling disappointed with myself every time I don't make 80~90% on an assignment or a test, but that seems to be happening too frequently now. So annoyed... It's not like I don't know what's going on, it's just that silly mistakes somehow creeps in, or there's just a funky manipulation that I missed. I just hate it. I just want to feel good for once. There's no point in just bulldozing forward if I don't have a proper foundation. Sure the lectures are interesting, but I end up stumped when it gets to doing the exercises for handing in assignments. It's like there's something missing. A spark's gone. The bulb fused out. I need to get a goddamn life back.~Zhongy~
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