A few days ago, somebody remarked to me, 'Everything to you is a joke huh?'
I wonder how that person ever arrived at that conclusion.
Sometimes when I lie in bed, I wonder what people think of me as a person. Yes it's one of those inevitable questions you ask yourself, despite me being brash and having a I-don't-care attitude about these things. But sometimes the question just pops up into my mind and I do wonder, sometimes, how people perceive me as a person? To tell you the truth, me not being serious about anything is probably one of the last things I'll describe myself as. It's now a very stressful period of time for me, especially having just finished the Yearbook and now having to concentrate on my exams, and maybe having a laugh out of something is just a way for me to alleviate some of these stress. I try not to conform to the stereotype of slouching around with eye-bags and a look of profound seriousness. Being emo now just adds to the dire mood around the school and I prefer a more light-hearted approach to my impending exams. It makes me feel more relaxed and allows me to get into sync faster. Goodness knows there's still more than enough revision to be done over this fortnight.
Still, somehow this statement comes back to haunt me. Whatever that person might mean or intend when he/she said this, it's been bugging me at the back of my mind and I just need to put my feelings down in words. Maybe I'm scared of people not taking me seriously. Maybe not. I don't know. Whatever it is, it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth every time I repeat it to myself. Maybe because I've never heard anyone say this to me before, or maybe it's just too similar to something else I've heard in the past. Still, I thought that I've moved past that... Haih... Sometimes when work becomes second nature, one tries to find ways to make it fun or at the very least, mildly enjoyable. God knows how much I need those grades or whatever I have worked for in the past, and maybe by calling it all 'a joke', I subconsciously find it dismissive of all that I have done or worked my ass off for... I don't know. I haven't given, nor will give any much more thought about this. Instead of brooding over it, I should be concentrating on something else to take my mind of it, but still.... Oh well... I won't be forgetting this any time soon I guess...
What a joke... I nearly died of laughter this time...There were actually tears streaking down my face...~Zhongy~
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