This seventh post is a tribute to a person who once shared the love for the number seven with me. This marks the end of everything between us, of my thoughts after 12.22 a.m., 21st of February 2007.
Its funny, how we first met in February 2004. A mere chance of fate, as we both know it back then, and nothing more. At that time, we were more interested in the answers on our exercise books rather than the person sitting right opposite the table. I doubt we knew anything about the person opposite other than the names.
The wheels of fate turned in December, and what followed was six months of talking and laughing, e-mails and MSN conversations. Replying mail became a routine every weekend, sometimes even more frequent. There was also camp and meetings, sorrow and anger, comforting words and shy apologies, but there was also a bonding unlike others, of similar interests, of different characters.
Fortune smiled upon us for thirteen months. You melted a heart of stone, and took a part of it with you. A blissful thirteen months, where we shared everything, every emotion, feeling and secret, cherishing every moment together, whether on the phone or outside. We exchanged gifts and sweet words, promises and dreams. Yes, there were hardships, but nothing could stand in our way. One by one, boundaries fallen, left behind, and we looked to the future.
The last eight months had been tumultuous, a period of silent suffering for me. I watched from afar, but still holding on with a steady hand, as you changed and transformed. I took it as a debt, a price to pay for the thirteen months, for the time we shared together. Even though you see yourself now different, changed, I can still see a shadow of the old person within you. It is an understanding from times past. You can never erase what you were before completely, and I took solace in that.
Everything ended after that phone call. I felt strangely at peace. There were no tears, but instead a small smile, knowing that you're well. It was a simple parting, but yet fitting in its own way. You took a part of my heart for yourself, and nothing can change that. As I placed my phone beside my bed, I realised that instead of trading farewells, we should have been celebrating 3 years of knowing each other. Yet now there is nothing left but fond memories, nothing more, but also nothing less.
I do not resent you for what you've done, and I accept that it was the best decision for you. Even now, I hold on to the bits and pieces of the past, and come to accept the present. Maybe it was never meant to be, maybe some things will change in the future. I do not know, and I do not dare to hope. Who knows, fate might just have another card up his sleeve. For now, this is a tribute to 3 years, to a parting of ways, to you, who have changed me more than you can ever imagine. I will always remember you in my prayers, and I hope you'll find your happiness in your future.
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Tuesday, 6 February 2007
What is love? Is love such a flimsy thing that can be thrown away at one's own whim, or is it the feeling that runs deep in our hearts, everlasting and omnipresent...
How does it feel, to love somebody so deeply, and yet cannot receive any love in return...
What if that somebody, who once gave you love, suddenly disliked you, came close to hate you, and now totally ignores you... Should you still love that somebody, who now hurts you everyday by not talking to you, not looking at you, even criticise you...
Everybody has said to let go, to move on... Even that somebody, whom you cherish above all else, has told you to get along with your life... But if you still have love for that somebody, should you still stay true to your feelings, and hold on to hope, no matter how small, or how futile...
What is the worth of love? What do you need, to make a person love you... What is the price for a time of happiness, is it a same period of suffering, or maybe even more...
If what you can see is only the abyss, should you still do what your heart tells you, to still hold on, to still love, and hope for none in return, but instead expect more pain and sorrow to come...
Love and let die, that was the path I chose to walk...
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Thursday, 1 February 2007
六月份的誓言
遗忘在回忆之间
徘徊十三月
只待回忆中重温
拔不出慧剑
斩不断情丝
缘不解
耐何朝朝相见
爱恨本差一线
爱深恨愈深
只有双方悲痛
没能好心离别
追忆失去的温柔
愁断魂
埋葬心中
隐在酸楚笑容的背面
暗自感伤
泪水流干
只留泪痕眼角间
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